“There’s this girl…this woman I can’t get out of my mind.” He spilled the story of his seduction of sweet, innocent Amanda McCormick for Rufus’s examination. When he finished talking, there was another silence.“You did that?” Rufus’s voice was as deep and gravelly as a quarry.“Fucked some poor virgin while posing as her fiancé?”“Yeah.”“You got some balls. How’d you know you’d be a close enough match to this Baxter?”“Brown hair, blue eyes, that’s all she seemed to know about him.”Spence couldn’t explain his need for the rush of tempting fate. “I took a chance. It was a gamble.”“Jesus, you’re a mean son of a bitch.”“I didn’t want to hurt her. I was just having fun.” He sounded like a spoiled child even to himself. “And now you want to go see this woman and try to make it right?”Rufus said. “Just how the hell did you think you were going to fix it? Byshowing up and wrecking her marriage, if you haven’t done that already?”It was Spence’s turn to pause.“Haven’t you done enough to this lady? Where’s your head, boy?Leave her alone.”“I can’t. I have to see her again.” He didn’t want to share his dreamsof the little girl. He’d sound crazy.Rufus laughed harshly. “So you can try and get another piece of tail?”“No. It’s not like that.”“What? You think you’re in love. Son, you don’t know the first thingabout it. If you did, you’d be putting this woman’s needs above your own.”He thought of the little girl telling him to go to Amanda. “Maybe whatshe needs is me.”Rufus made a scoffing noise. “A woman needs a man who’ll stand byher, be there through hard times and good. From what you’ve told methese past months, this is the longest you’ve stayed put in one place inyour life and that’s only ‘cause they won’t let you out.”“I just want to do the right thing.”“Then do like I say. Leave her be. You think she’s going to be happyto see you again?”Spence pulled his blanket tighter around his shoulders and watched a gray cloud puff from his mouth.“You still there, boy?”“Where else?”“Don’t take it too hard. Everybody does things they’re sorry for.Sometimes there’s just no way to make it right.”He leaned back against the wall and reviewed the stupid chain of events that had landed him in jail. Maybe Rufus was right and there was no way he could ever apologize for what he’d done to Amanda. He should let the whole thing slide and leave the woman in peace.”

“She turned to go back inside the livery stable. The excitement with which she’dentered it less than an hour earlier had been replaced by heavy-hearted dread. She didn’t want to see Jim right now, or even think of him and the ramifications of their impossiblerelationship.He waited for her only a few yards from the door, leaning against Lady’s stall and scratching her forelock. When Catherine approached, he raised his eyebrows.“Nathan won’t tell.” She pressed a finger to her lips. “We’re safe.”Jim stood there a moment, his expression unreadable. He took a tentative step toward her, pointed to her and himself and twined his fingers together with another questioningtilt of his brows.“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if we’re together or not. I simply don’t know. Please don’t ask me this tonight. I need some time to think.”His gaze was riveted on her lips, then her eyes. He seemed calm, but she noticed tension in his jaw and neck, signs she’d learned to read to tell her when he was upset or angry. She wished she could give him a better answer, could tell him what he wanted tohear, but to say “I love you and want to be with you” would be a lie right now. Her conflicting emotions were tearing her apart.Walking over to him, she tilted her face up and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m sorry,”she whispered near his ear so he couldn’t see her words. “I don’t mean to keep hurting you. I want to love you, but I’m afraid. You don’t understand what a huge thing you’reasking of me.”She stepped back, gave him a small smile, and gestured toward the door. “I have to go now. It’s late. But I’ll try to see you soon.”He nodded, but the hopeful light had gone out of his eyes.”

“I want to take care of it. I need to do something to make up for…” He breathed out shakily. His hands clenched at his sides and he stared at the ground. “I’m sorry for making all of this happen. He was right. I should have stayed away from you. I’ve brought you nothing but trouble.”Sarah grabbed his shoulders and forced him to look into her eyes. “No! Forgeteverything that man ever said. You did nothing wrong. Not ever. He made this happen.”She grasped his hands and held them. “I don’t know how many more ways I can say it.I’m happy you came here. You’ve…” she hesitated over the melodramatic words, but they were the truth and he needed to hear them, “brought my heart to life again.”She rubbed her hands over his bandaged ones then lifted them to her mouth andkissed the backs of them.She gestured to the smolder ruin. “We’ll take care of that later. Right now I have something more important for you to do. I want you to come inside with me. I need you to hold me.”His eyes were glistening as he looked into hers. He nodded then took her hand and followed her into the house.”

“You can have that life,” he told her. “It’s right there for you to take.”“I love you,” Eve quickly countered.“Loving me hurts you, doesn’t it?” Beckett asked, looking down. “No, you don’t have to tell me. I know. I can smell it. I can smell the pain coming off of you,” he said, looking at the floor. “You had love before and a future. What does loving me get you, Eve? What does it get you?” He stood, angry with himself.“I don’t need to get anything from you. It’s the way it is. There’s no changing that.” She gripped the porch railing.Beckett stepped close to Eve and tenderly tucked a lock of hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear.“You’re saying goodbye,” she said, her eyes full of questions.“Do you know there are other little girls out there like that one? I lived with a few of them. They would sell their souls for a mother like you.”At the word mother Eve’s chin crumpled. She tried to hold back the tears, but they wouldn’t obey.“See that? It’s what you need. You need that—a little kid calling you Mom.” Beckett put his arms around her as she shattered.The pain she kept hidden surfaced from where it had been smoldering. When he felt her knees weaken, he hugged her harder.“That’s right. It’s okay. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, baby. You want normal.” He guided her to the chair he’d vacated. “There’s a guy out there who’ll hold your hand. There’s a little girl out there. She’s waiting for you. It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay.” He knelt in front of her and rubbed her arms.She slapped at his hands, letting outrage carry her words. “I don’t want another man. I want you. I’ve killed for you. I’ve protected you. What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you honestly think these hands that kill can hold a child?” She held her fingers in front of her face.“Yes. Absolutely. Don’t you know, gorgeous? Mothers are some of the most vicious killers out there, if their kids are threatened. You just have more practice.” He took her hands and kissed them.“I’ve lost too much. I can’t lose you. Don’t make me. Please. I’ll beg you if I have to.” She watched his lips on her palms.He shook his head and used her own words against her. “The hardest part of loving someone is not being with them when you want to be.”He stood, and she mirrored his motion,already shaking her head. “Don’t say it.”Beckett ignored her; he knew what he had to do. He had to set beautiful Eve free to find that soft, touchable woman he’d seen her become with the little girl.”

“Finally, he slipped his arms around her too.Her eyes closed in relief.“I was thinking,” His voice rumbled against her ear. “That I’ve brought you so much trouble after everything you’ve done for me. Maybe it’s not too late to fix it. If I leave…”“No!” She pulled away and looked up into his face. It was swollen red around one eye and his nose. Brown flecks of paint marred the blue swirls. “That’s not going to solveanything.”He stroked the side of her face, his thumb lingering across her lips. “If I leave, it will be better.”“Not for me.” Tears welled at the corners of her eyes and she blinked them away.He gathered her close again, kissing the top of her head and rubbing his hand on her back. “Don’t cry. ”When Sarah thought about it later, she would realize that he had never added, “I’ll stay.”

“That’s what you wanted me for,” he all but growled. His dick was going to cuss him for a bastard if he didn’t get inside her. But he’d just have to take it. This was about leaving her wanting more. “Wasn’t it? To get you dirty. That’s why you know you’re going to let me do it. After I leave and you cool down, you’ll tell yourself you won’t. But one day, you’ll beg me for it, because you know there’s more, and you know I can give it to you.”

“He’s sorry, Chloe. He really is a sweet guy. Don’t be a bitch about this. And don’t screw it up. Just go over there. Give him a chance and, in no time, you’ll forget everything else.And that’s exactly why I stayed in my chair. I didn’t want to forget everything else, or the next thing I knew, he’d be back on that roof, putting his life in danger.“You don’t get to do this,” I said finally.“Do what?” He asked the question innocently enough, but his gaze dipped slightly. “I”m sorry. That’s what I’m trying to say, Chloe. That I’m sorry.”“For what?”He looked up, confused. “Making you mad.”I didn’t answer, just got up to leave. I made it as far as the door. Then he was there, behind me, hand on my elbow. I didn’t look back at him. I didn’t dare. But I stopped and I listened.“When I got mad about you leaving,” he said, “it wasn’t because I thought it was stupid or I didn’t think you’d be careful.”“You were just worried about me.”An exhale, relieved that I understood. “Yeah.”I turned. “Because you think I’m worth it.”He put his fingers under my chin. “I absolutely think you’re worth it.”“But you don’t think you are.”His mouth opened. Shut.“That’s what this is about, Derek. You won’t let us worry about you because you don’t think you’re worth it. But I do. I absolutely do.”