“Virginia Woolf killed herself. She was a lesbian—or maybe she was just a woman writer.”

“I made the best mistakes. It was not like the sun came up or I stopped crying or I had any more power within me. It was not like all those sensual metaphors of awakening that keep you chained to hope. I still go to bed at night and hate—and hate knowing that the world's a mirror.”

“But remember that in order to symbolize everything to everyone, you will be both loved and hated.”

“She has all the right equipment to look sexy, pretty even. She just overdoes everything-like she's a coloring-book women who got scribbled on by a toddler,”

“She hoped Smoke was wrong about people being unknowable. She hoped that she could crack herself open like a nut and know herself, at least. Then she'd be able to start figuring out everybody else.”

“Huiann swallowed, her hands clasped together and her eyes glassy with tears, then she spoke some more.“Her heart is full of feeling for you, but she knows it is wrong for her to stay with you. She wishes for you to find a white woman who will fit into your life and be the wife you need.”Alan started shaking his head before Dong Li even finished translating. “No. Tell her she makes me happy. She is exactly the wife I need.” He breathed deeply, steadying the quaver in his voice. “Ask Chua Huiann if she will do me the honor of marrying me.”Dong clicked his tongue, but offered Alan’s proposal.Huiann’s eyes opened wide and she spoke rapidly.“How would your family and your people react to you marrying a foreign bride? You would be ostracized. It cannot be.” Dong added his own thoughts to the translation. “The girl speaks sense and sees more clearly than you.”Alan frowned. He couldn’t promise his family would accept Huiann or ever welcome them home as a couple, but he didn’t care. Maybe she was seeing reason, but he was only seeing her.”

“She gazed back at him, her mouth open, gasping for air. Her white blouse rose and fell with each panting breath. She shook her head. “No. We can’t. I’m sorry.”His gut twisted. He wanted to shout, “Why? Why can I never have what I want—just once?”