“You've got so much up aheadYou'll make new friendsYou should see your kids and wifeAnd I'd end up saying have no fearThese are nowhere near the best years of your life”

“Even in your darkest moments, you'll think of something that'll crack you up.”

“Rock Band never got anybody a date. Never.”

“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.”

“Shoving feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

“When you grow up the way I do, and the biggest thing in your life so far has been getting dunked in a glass tank by a man who acts like he’s mugging you but says instead he’s saving your soul, then celebrating your soul mugging at Sizzler with your parents (get the buffet by itself, not added on to a steak dinner, because the buffet already has sirloin tips), you need rules. And not their rules, not God’s rules, but mine. My own. Here’s on of Eliot’s Rules for Dating: When you first meet a girl, make sure you are accidentally conducting a chemistry experiment on your lips.OK. I didn’t say they were all good rules.”

“But how he acts, and what he says, and what he does, and who he is, they don't line up anymore, and the lie is in that not lining up, the lie is in not being what she needs but pretending that he is. No one says a word, and she sees it every minute they have together.”