“I spent years in a graduate literature program learning what makes great writing, and the only conclusion we came to was that the future of graduate literature programs was safe because nobody is ever going to agree on what makes great writing.”

“For me, if I have writer’s block it means I know that what I am writing is not working quite right and I need to go back and fix what is not right. And once I do that I can write onward. Sometimes writer’s block is just I’m in a funk that day and my writing just isn’t working. In that case I write anyway and then throw it away. You can always write. Writer's block is 'I can't write because what I'm writing is crap.”

“Too many of us take great pains with what we ingest through our mouths, and far less with what we partake of through our ears and eyes.”

“Actually, [Wax] said, we came here because we needed someplace safe to think for a few hours."Ranette: "Your mansion isn't safe?"Wax: "My butler failed to poison me, then tried to shoot me, then set off an explosive in my study"Ranette: "Huh.... You need to screen these people better, Wax.”

“What I'm trying to say is that you don't understand a man until you understand what makes him do what he does. Every man is a hero in his own story, Princess. Murderers don't believe that they're to blame for what they do. Thieves, they think they deserve the money they take. Dictators, they believe they have the right—for the safety of their people and the good of the nation—to do whatever they wish. . . . The truth is, most people who do what you'd call "wrong" do it for what they call "right" reasons. Only mercenaries make any sense. We do what we're paid to do. That's it. Perhaps that's why people look down on us so. We're the only ones who don't pretend to have higher motives. . . In a way, we're the most honest men you'll ever meet.”

“My dear, have you ever known me to make an inflammatorily ridiculous statement without providing an equally ridiculous explanation to substantiate it?”“Of course not,” she agreed. “You are nothing if not exhaustive in your self-congratulatory made-up logic.”

“People can do great things. However, there are some things they just CAN'T do. I, for instance, have not been able to transform myself into a Popsicle, despite years of effort.”