“You are such a fag hag. They should have a class just for you, call it Man Porn 101.”

“I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for the trainees, so I led my usual morning class. I called it Magic Problem-Solving 101. The trainees called it Whatever Works.”

“You could ask me to teach you.”“Huh?” This night is getting weird in a hurry. “Teach me like you’re teaching a class or something? What are you going to call it: ‘You Too Can Be a Sociopath 101’?”“It would be more like a graduate-level class.” I start to snicker. His sense of humour sneaks up on you. Then I remember who’s talking and bite it off.”

“Correct me if I'm wrong here, but didn't we just get beat up for not being fags?""Sorry, you just don't scream hetero he-man, dude. I wouldn't call you flaming or anything, but let's just say your toes are singed. Hell, I read straighter than you do.""I hate to break it to you, but I'm probably too drunk to fuck.”

“Heathers!" I said triumphantly. "I think I've got that one here somewhere.""Hey. Ram, doesn't this cafeteria have a no-fags allowed policy?""What?""The answer is, 'They seem to have an open door policy on assholes, though, don't they?'"I just stood there, trying to figure out if he was calling me a fag or an asshole or both, and he rolled his eyes at me again."It's a line from Heathers, man.”

“...at some point in time, the following thought has probably popped into your head:“You know what? Screw it, I should just do porn...”