“Rock-a-bye, Bratniss, in your safe cage,These bars will protect you when mommy's enraged.If she should break through them,Don't have any fear,I made a machine that shoots tranquilizer darts at her if she gets too near.”

“Maybe you aren't ready yet. I get it. This is a new situation, you want time to explore it, play with a block or two, eat some Play-Doh. I get it. Go wild. But one day, I'm going to make you mine.”

“Bad Hagridmitch! Bad, bad Hagridmitch! What did I tell you about copyright laws? Do you want to get sued? Is that what you want?”

“Greta is great, but he's a little...extremely...moody. Take my birthday last year. At the stroke of midnight, he appeared at my door."I wrote this poem for you," he said, shoving a piece of crumpled paper into my hands.'The world must burn.Lava exploding into faces.Their skeletons are screaming now.No survivors. - From Greta'"Oh...uh...wow..." I began."Don't bother thanking me," he said. "I just wanted to comfort you for being one year closer to the grave. Of course, I failed miserably, because comfort doesn't exist in this universe.”

“He's crying so hard now that he's getting that fat kid in a white t-shirt at a pool look.”

“We're talking your wife for an eggshell; that brand of jerk.”

“My name is Cinnabon, and I'm here to make you gorgeous, girlfriend.”