“Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.”

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

“We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can't use shame to change ourselves or others.”

“When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.”

“Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling.(page 68)”

“You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors.”

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”