“I write my own quotes. Except this one. I obviously stole this from somebody really clever.”

“When I left high school with my diploma, it felt like I was holding a key that would unlock the door to a better world. Every teacher I passed on my way down to the parking lot—the ones who suspended me for questioning them both earnestly and in jest, suspended me for using a contumacious hip-shake as my hallway gait, suspended me for me being me—the ones who would roll their eyes if my behavior was, on the whole, unpatriotic, unjustified, and immature—well, on the way down that long black declivity, their faces seemed so contorted as if lurking shadows had vice grips locked on their kidneys, wrenching it every time a teacher didn't want to remain upright and respectful. Yes, they didn’t want to me to succeed either! I pledge allegiance to the flag that united every authority in that indefensible school looked at me, even treated me, as if I was a terrorist, or at the very least, unpatriotic. But God—didn’t the red blood, white skin, and blue balls that flagged my physical existence suffice for me to have a little liberty and justice?”

“I wish my nose would blow me for once.”

“Some people put up a peace sign with one hand. Some people put up the middle finger instead. I use two hands and put up both.”

“I watch what I eat every day. I mean, who actually eats with their eyes closed?”

“Individuality or Unity? I say there's room for both.”

“As much as it hurts, I would rather miss someone than hit someone.”