“How are you still sane?""Who says I am? I only stopped asking myself the escape question when the walls started to answer me."Shit.”

“The question I should've been asking myself was, in ninety-nine years, how will I find another Forfeit who will survive the Feed? But the question I actually asked myself was, Could Nikki ever look at me the way she looked at Jack in those final moments?”

“I was in the neighborhood," he said, answering the question I was about to ask. His lips twitched. "You know, wandering around, trying to be a hero.”

“I decided to write a myth.""Have you figured out a topic? A moral conundrum?""Yes.""What is it?"I heard Jack's chair creak."It's about how there's no such thing as redemption," I whispered. "How you deserve what you get,and no higher power can save you."Mrs. Stone didn't answer immediately. The only sound in the room came from my own breathing. "What about heroes?"I hunched over and scribbled a few lines on my notebook. "There are no heroes." Sure,it wasn't an optimistic paper,but it was the only thing I could write passionately about.She was quiet for a moment again. When she spoke,her voice was gentle. "Okay. I'm excited to see what you put together."I nodded."And,Mr. Caputo? Everything going well with the personal essay?"I could only assume he nodded, because Mrs. Stone returned to the front of the classroom. My right hand started to tremble,and I clenched my pencil and began scribbling."You don't really believe that, do you?" Jack's voice was soft.I lifted my head, allowing my eyes to meet his for the first time in weeks. "It doesn't matter what I believe." I looked down at my notebook."Wait," he said.I turned back. "What?"He shrugged,then spoke in a low murmur. "Just stop hiding behind your hair for a minute."I closed my eyes,but I didn't turn away. "You're making things difficult, Jack Caputo," I whispered."At least you remember my name."I remembered everything. The first time he called me his girlfriend. The first time he told me he loved me. The first time I started to question whether or not I'd be able to hold on to him.The first time I knew I had to come back to see him again, at whatever cost.”

“Why didn't you tell me?""I know you won't believe it, but I thought it would be best for you. You were doing so well until I came back. I thought you could go back to how it was. You still can.""Don't say that,Becks.We're going to figure something out.""I know.Even so,I understand that it would've been easier for you if I'd never come back.Maybe you and Jules..."His grip on my arm tightened,and when he spoke,his voice wavered. "Becks. I crashed when you left.Jules held together the pieces,and I will love her forever for that.But if I was with her, it wouldn't be right." He grimaced. "She told me so herself, right before I left with Will. She knew." Jack pushed my hair out of my eyes and off my forehead."Um,she knew what?" I could barely hear my own voice."It's always been you,Becks. Nothing will change that,no matter how much time has passed." He glanced down. "No matter if you feel the same way or not. You know what,right?"I shook my head slowly,wanting desperately to believe him, but not sure if I could."How can you not see that? Everyone sees it." He slid his hand down my arm and grabbed my fingers, holding them in his lip,tracing them. Staring at them. "Remember freshman year? How Bozeman asked you to the Spring Fling?"Bozeman. He was two years older than me. Played offensive lineman. His first name was Zachary, but nobody had called him that since the third grade. I'd been surprised he even knew my name, let alone asked me to the dance."Of course I remember.You came with me to answer him." We doorbell-ditched Bozeman's house, leaving a two-liter bottle of Coke and a note that said I'd pop to go to the dance with you, or something like that. Bozeman had a reputation for fast hands, but he didn't try anything with me. In fact,he barely touched me at all, even at the fling.And he never asked me out again.Or even talked to me, really.It was weird."Yeah,well,I didn't tell you, but Bozeman actually asked my permission.""Why?""Because it was obvious to everyone, except you,how I felt about you.And then that night with the Coke on the porch...after I dropped you off at home, I paid Bozeman a visit." His cheeks went pink and he lowered his eyes."And?""Let's just say I rescinded my permission. I didn't realize how much it would bother me." His eyes met mine.I could only imagine what was said between Jack and the lineman, who was twice his size."Don't be mad," Jack said. Like I'd be angry after everything we'd been through. "I...I'm telling you this because you have to know that it's always been you. And it will always be you.”

“Cole, do you feel anything for me?" I don't know what made me ask this, except that Jack had asked him the night of the Tunnels. It obviously surprised him.He backed up. "What?"I inched forward, not quite sure I was going with this. "Do you feel...something for me?"He was quiet, still as a statue, so I moved even closer. "Don't, Nik." His gaze dropped to the ground."If you feel anything, please leave me alone. I don't know why I survived. I don't have your answer. Shadowing me will get you nothing."Then he did something unexpected. He backed down, and as he turned around to his motorcycle, he shook his head and mumbled, "What have you done to me?""I don't know," I said. "But you have ninety-nine years to figure it out."He kicked it on and revved the engine, and at the sound, he found his cocky smirk again. "That's a long time, Nik. Jack is gone, and I'm here. Let's see who gives up first.”

“You say you hate me, yet, you use me to stop hurting.”