“He owns Douchedome. All assholes compete in the douche form of the Olympics at Douchedome.”

“... he escaped all criticism but his own, which was much the most competent and most formidable.”

“It is the inspiration of the Olympic Games that drives people not only to compete but to improve, and to bring lasting spiritual and moral benefits to the athlete and inspiration to those lucky enough to witness the athletic dedication.”

“You're worse than a douche bag. You're a douche puddle, the excrement of a douching.”

“Because all little girls deserve to be protected. Even the daughters of douche bags.”

“There are two kinds of people in this world: the ones who don't cook out of and have NEVER cooked out of THE I HATE TO COOK BOOK, and the other kind...The I HATE TO COOK people consist mainly of those who find other things more interesting and less fattening, and so they do it as seldom as possible. Today there is an Annual Culinary Olympics, with hundreds of cooks from many countries ardently competing. But we who hate to cook have had our own Olympics for years, seeing who can get out of the kitchen the fastest and stay out the longest." - Peg Bracken”