“I didn't want to accept failure. Even though sometimes the strength it takes to admit failure is probably worth as much as the determination not to quit. So there you have, I was stuck fighting for a relationship with a boyfriend who, in truth be told, I'd rather forget ever existed.”

“I learned to accept my family for who they were and understand that, though they might be limited in certain areas, they all had good qualities that I could appreciate.”

“Yesterday I had a woman ask me what kind of salad dressings we have. I told her we have sesame soy dressing, spicy lime vinaigrette, and blue cheese. She made a face and asked, 'Is that all?' 'Yes,' I told her, 'those are all of our dressings.' 'Don't you have any other dressings?' he says. I mean, what the hell? What does she think? That I'm holding out? I was tempted to say, "No, we actually have an entirely different assortment of dressings that I don't tell people about the first time they ask, because they don't deserve these great secret dressings. But now that you have proven your worth, I will show you to the VIP room, where the array of salad dressings will dazzle and delight you.”

“it's 4:21 am. He's gotta be done having mind-blowing-knock-your-dick-into-your-watch-pocket sex with her, and she's probably spooning with him right now. Ugh, it makes me sick. I'll bet he's in front, too, the dick. Anyone would know that Heaven is supposed to be the little spoon, but he's probably making her be the big spoon.”

“And it's not that Pearl Jam was any more amazing than anyone else. I think we just liked who we were when they were who they were.”

“I simply never found a specific club that I could bring myself to be passionate about. I was having enough trouble finding one person to be passionate about, let alone a whole club!”

“I tend to think the good outweighs the bad. Then again, I try to be a glass-half-full person. Although I stand by my theory that if you measure your happiness by the amount of liquid in your glass, you are either a cliche or an alcoholic.”