“She just shook her head and pulled out a small bottle of some random pop star's signature perfume, spritzing me with the sickly-sweet smell. "Oh, come on Ash, that smells like a unicorn fart," I cried, recoiling at the overpowering, candylike smell.”

“Oh, come on, Ash, that smells like a unicorn fart.”

“She was so cold, she probably farted ice cubes.”

“I wasn’t exactly a stranger to feeling like a princess—if you meant the princess in the first half of the fairy tale. Cinderella as a scullery maid. Snow White with the wicked stepmother. But I wasn’t used to what life was like after you meet the prince, after the slipper fits, after the kiss wakes you from your slumber. It would take some getting used to.”

“- I was a tired mess. My eyes didn't just have bags - they had five-piece luggage sets.”

“What I was hungry for was sitting nonchalantly next to me on the couch.”

“Do I look like a freaking fairy - tale princess to you?”