“This guy had more lines than loose-leaf.”

“Whoever lived in that apartment had a security gate, blinds that were closed and curtains drawn. It's probably darker in there than it is in Hollister.”

“I cocked my fist back, remembering what Brendan had taught me. "Don't aim for your target. You'll have more of an impact that way." I was aiming for China.”

“- I was a tired mess. My eyes didn't just have bags - they had five-piece luggage sets.”

“My eyes are not worthy to look upon your face, yet they will not rest until they see you again.”

“The U.S. Postal Service should hire him for an ad campaign. If he were at the mailbox every time you sent a letter, no one would use email ever again.”

“It's hard to take someone seriously when they leave you a note saying, 'Your ugly.' My ugly what? The idiot didn't even know the difference between your and you're.”