“And not that it matters, but my mother is not a lesbian! She's just a really, really bad heterosexual.”

“If heterosexual people can get married then gay and lesbian people can get married too”

“I want to go to the mother, take her hand, and tell her that although she and her daughter believe that every bad choice the daughter has ever made in life is her fault, it's not. It's really, really not.”

“Sometimes, when it is going badly, she wonders if what she believes to be a love of the written word is really just a fetish for stationary.”

“I think that lion females are really lesbians and the males are used strictly for their sperm”

“She's really married?" Tallow said to Bat."Yeah. Talia's like this Scandinavian Amazon who can break rocks with her boobs. She could fit Scarly in her armpit. Sometimes I think she likes Scarly just because she was the most portable lesbian available.”