“Are these Romero slow zombies, or 28 Days Later fast zombies?” “They were totally slow, dude. Are you blind?”

“I'm going to go hunt some zombie," he said. It would have sounded pretty cool if his voice hadn't cracked in the middle of the sentence.”

“It’s my husband. I think— I think he’s a zombie.” I smiled. “Believe it or not, I get this one a lot. Can you describe his behavior? Why do you think he’s a zombie?” She huffed. “He doesn’t do anything! He sits on the sofa all day watching TV and that’s it.”

“Fuck a zombie!”

“Jonah squealed, jumping up and down and shaking his pom-poms. His skirt swished around his scrawny yellow knees.“Jonah, can I give you a piece of sisterly advice?”“Yeah.”“If you ever want to lose your virginity, don’t do that again. Ever.”

“Excuse me if I feel skeptical,' I said. 'Coach's foot fell off. How exactly do you propose to cure that? Superglue?”

“That puke was the most wonderful thing I'd ever seen. It was green and a little red. Technicolor, really, the color puke is supposed to be. It definitely wasn't black, and it didn't smell like toasty poop. This was a good sign.”