“She is carrying round a pizza cutter 4 protection. She's so freaked. She wants me to carry a steak knife.”

“She bonks her head so hard with her hand i want to get her an ice pack”

“This guy named Ian that I met at school. He wants to go to the DMV with me."She hands me a plate to dry. "Well, there's true love."I snort.”

“Mom, I promised to behave. It wasn't easy. I mean, she couldn't help herself. She was all over this hunk of Navajo manhood and I had to keep telling her I'd promised not to let her violate me. Eventually she wore herself out and fell asleep.”

“Maybe,” he says slowly, as if each word is an effort, “she took advantage of me.”

“She smirks."Are you attempting to stop me, little one?""Excuse me? Did you just call me 'little one'? What are you? Like, four feet tall?" I ask.”

“I swear,if she were a cat she'd be hissing.”