“Just so you know, I'm straight. Totally straight. As an arrow."Her voice held a smile. "So am I”

“Um, yeah. I mean, I think… wow." It made sense, really. All part of that vampire seduction gambit: lurethe prey to you, give it a reason to open its veins. Sure cut down on that messy struggling. "Just so youknow, I'm straight. Totally straight. As an arrow."Her voice held a smile. "So am I.”

“You know your all fucks! why am i so dichable? now how am i supposed to kill you with out upseting that poor nice women!? God damnit alice i liked you why did you have to be such a bitch”

“I'm a werewolf trapped in a human body.""Well, yeah, that's kind of the definition.""No, really. I'm trapped.""Oh? When was the last time you shape-shifted?""That's just it - I've never shape-shifted.""So you're not really a werewolf.""Not yet. But I was meant to be one, I just know it. How do I get a werewolf to attack me?"Stand in the middle of a forest under a full moon with a raw steak tied to your face, holding a sign that says, 'Eat me; I'm stupid'?”

“You know, I'm sick and tired of people pointing rifles at me.”

“Next caller. Betty, you're on the air. What's your question ?""Hi, Kitty. I just wanted to know, are you going out with that Cormac guy from last month?"My jaw dropped. "What?""Are you going out with that Cormac guy?""We are talking about the same Cormac who tried to kill me on the air, yes? the guy who hunts werewolves for a living ?""Uh-huh.""And you want to know if I'm dating him ? Why on earth do you think that's a good idea?”

“As far as I know, no vampires live in Antarctica.” “I’d have thought the long winter nights would be just the thing for you guys,” I said. “Perhaps. But the food supply is a bit wanting.”