“Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.”

“One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.”

“This Obamacare thing really scares me. The United States government / politicians are trying to turn the American people into a brand X “One size fits all” country. The past ten years has been very grim for Americans. Our current state is very grim. Our future is even more grim than ever. I used to tell people that it will get worse before it gets better. Now, I just say it will get worse.”

“When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!”

“Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought.”

“He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke.”

“Know who you are, and be it. Know what you want, and go out and get it!”