“When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!”

“One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.”

“A sin is nothing more than regret. Not for doing it once, but doing it again when you know you’re going to regret it.”

“All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.”

“Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought.”

“The moment you stop trying to become a better person, is the moment you start to become worse than what you already are.”

“Cool people are only cool for the first thirty minutes of knowing them. After that, they just become annoying.”