“All my life, since I came to the Institute, you were the mirror of my soul. I saw the good in me in you. In your eyes alone I found grace. When you are gone from me, who will see me like that?”

“Will looked down at himself, at the knife at his feet, and remembered the knife he hadburied at the base of the tree on the Shrewsbury-Welshpool road, stained with his blood andJem’s. “All my life, since I came to the Institute, you were the mirror of my soul. I saw thegood in me in you. In your eyes alone I found grace. When you are gone from me, who willsee me like that?”There was a silence then. Jem stood as still as a statue. With his gaze Will searched for,and found, the parabatai rune on Jem’s shoulder; like his own, it had faded to a pale white.At last Jem spoke. The cool remoteness had left his voice. Will breathed in hard,remembering how much that voice had shaped the years of his growing up, its steadykindness a lighthouse beacon in the dark. “Have faith in yourself. You can be your ownmirror.”“That words have the power to changeus. Your words have changed me, Tess; they have made me a better man than I would havebeen otherwise. Life is a book, and there are a thousand pages I have not yet read. I wouldread them together with you, as many as I can, before I die—”

“You asked me who I belong to," he whispered. "I belong to you. Your blood is my blood, your bones my bones. The first time you saw me, I looked familiar, didn't I? Just like you looked familiar to me.”

“I always loved you, Will, whatever you did. And now I need you to do for me what I cannot do for myself. For you to be my eyes when I do not have them. For you to be my hands when I cannot use my own. For you to be my hear when mine is done with beating.No, said Will wildly. No, no, no. I will not be those things. Your eyes will see, your hands will feel, your hear will continue to beat.But if not, Will-If I could tear myself in half, I would-that half of me might remain with you and half follow Tessa-Half of you would be no good to either of us, said Jem.”

“I was trying to go... somewhere. But I kept getting pulled back here. I couldn't stop walking, couldn't stop thinking. About the first time I ever saw you, and how after I couldn't forget you. I wanted to, but I couldn't stop myself. I forced Hodge to let me be the one who came to find you and bring you back to the Institute. And even back then, in that stupid coffee shop, when I saw you with Simon, even then that felt wrong to me-- I should have been the one sitting with you. The one who made you laugh like that. I couldn't get rid of that feeling. That it should have been me. And the more I knew you, the more I felt it-- it had never been like that for me before. I'd always wanted a girl and then gotten to know her and not wanted her anymore, but with you the feeling just got stronger and stronger until that night when you showed up at Renwick's and I knew. And then to find out the reason I felt like that-- like you were some part of me I'd lost and never ever knew I was missing until I saw you again-- that the reason was that you were my sister, it felt like some cosmic joke. Like God was spitting on me. I don't even know for what-- for thinking that I actually get to have you, that I would deserve something like that, to be happy. I couldn't imagine what it was I'd done that I was being punished for--”

“How could you have guessed?” Miserable though Will was, he felt free, as if a heavy burden had been displaced from him. “I did all I could to hide and deny it. You—you never hid your feelings. Looking back, it was clear and plain, and yet I never saw it. I was astonished when Tessa told me that you were engaged. You’ve always been the source in my life of such good things, James. I never thought you would be the source of pain, and so, wrongly, I never thought of your feelings at all. And that is why I was so blind.”

“Unhappy? I was lucky. So, so lucky. And I couldn’t see it.” His eyes met hers. “I love you,” he said. “And you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And now that I know what it’s like to be someone else—to lose myself—I want my life back. My family. You. All of it.” His eyes darkened. “I want it back.”