“If you lay one hand on Simon, vampire, I'll have you chopped up into tiny pieces and fed to my cat. Understand?”

“We'll either come to a mutual understanding of one another, or he's going to kill me and chop me up into tiny pieces and bake me into cookie.”

“I guess when life hands you lemons, chop 'em up and get lemonade; when life hands you cats, chop 'em up and get pussy.”

“If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know," Simon was getting fed up. "Look, did you actually ask me to come all the way uptown just so you could stare at me like I'm something in a petrie dish? Next time I'll send you a photo.""And I'll frame it and put it on my nightstand," Jace said, but he didn't sound as if his heart was in the sarcasm. "Look, I asked you here for a reason, not to stare at you. Much as I hate to admit it, vampire, we have something in common.""Totally awesome hair?" Simon suggested”

“What I think I'll do is I'll do my best to yank Debbie out of me by the roots. And then I'll turn up on your doorstep, one day when you least expect it, and I'll hope by then you will have given up on your vampire.”

“Really! Between you and Eragon, I seem to spend most of my time among the Varden healing people to silly to realize they need to avoid getting chopped into tiny little pieces”