“Jem--Jem is all the better part of myself. I would not expect you to understand. I owe him this.""Then what am I?" Cecily asked.Will exhaled, too exasperated to check himself. "You are my weakness.""And Tessa is your heart," she said, not angrily, but thoughtfully. "Not a fool, as I told you," she added at his startled expression. I know that you love her.”

“What are you doing following me around the back streets of London, you little idiot?” Will demanded, giving her arm a light shake.Cecily’s eyes narrowed. “This morning it was cariad (note: Welsh endearment, like ‘darling’ or ‘love’), now it’s idiot.”“Oh, you’re using a Glamour rune. There’s one thing to declare, you are not afraid of anything when you live in the country. But this is London.”“I’m not afraid of London,” Cecily said defiantly.Will leaned closer, almost hissing in her ear *and said something very complicated in Welsh*She laughed. “No, it wouldn’t do you any good to tell me to go home. You are my brother, and I want to go with you.”Will blinked at her words.You are my brother, and I want to go with you.It was the sort of thing he was used to hearing Jem say.Although Cecily was unlike Jem in every other conceivable possible way, she did share one quality with him. Stubbornness. When Cecily said she wanted something, it did not express an idle desire, but an iron determination.“Do you even care where I’m going?” he said. “What if I were going to hell?”“I’ve always wanted to see hell,” Cecily said. “Doesn’t everyone?”“Most of us spend our time trying to stay out of it, Cecily. I’m going to an ifrit den, if you must know, to purchase drugs from vile, dissolute criminals. They may clap eyes on you, and decide to sell you.”“Wouldn’t you stop them?”“I suppose it would depend on whether they cut me a part of the profit.”She shook her head. “Jem is your parabatai,” she said. “He is your brother, given to you by the Clave, but I am your sister by blood. Why would you do anything for him, but you only want me to go home?”“How do you know the drugs are for Jem?” Will said.“I’m not an idiot, Will.”“No, more’s the pity. Jem- Jem is like the better part of me. I would not expect you to understand. I owe him. I owe him this.”“So what am I?” Cecily said.Will exhaled, too desperate to check himself. “You are my weakness.”“And Tessa is your heart,” she said, not angrily, but thoughtfully. “I am not fooled. As I told you, I’m not an idiot. And more’s the pity for you, although I suppose we all want things we can’t have.”“Oh,” said Will, “and what do you want?”“I want you to come home.” A strand of black hair was stuck to her cheek by the dampness, and Will fought the urge to pull her cloak closer about her, to make her safe as he had when she was a child.“The Institute is my home,” Will sighed, and leaned his head against the stone wall. “I can’t stand out her arguing with you all evening, Cecily. If you’re determined to follow me into hell, I can’t stop you.”“Finally,” she said provingly. “You’ve seen sense. I knew you would, you’re related to me.”Will fought the urge to shake her.“Are you ready?”She nodded, and he raised his hand to knock on the door.”

“If you do not help me," Tessa said to Jem, "I swear, I will change into you, and I will lift him myself. And then everyone here will see what you look like in a dress." She fixed him with a look. "Do you understand?”

“Jem—Jem is all the better part of myself. I wouldnot expect you to understand. I owe him this. “I know. I know it. And yet I feel such dread in my heart, as if it were the last hour of mylife. I have felt hopelessness before, Tess, but never such fear. And yet I have known—Ihave always known …”That Jem would die. She did not say it. It was between them, unspoken.“Who am I?” he whispered. “For years I pretended I was other than I was, and then I gloried that I might return to the truth of myself, only to find there is no truth to return to. I was an ordinary child, and then I was a not very good man, and now I do not know how to be either of those things any longer. I do not know what I am, and when Jem is gone, therewill be no one to show me.”

“But he would understand,” he said dazedly. “If we explained it to him. If we told him…he would understand.”She made her voice as cold as she could. As calm. “Told him what?”Will only looked at her. There had been light in his eyes on the stairs… And it was going now, fading like the last breath of someone dying. She felt as if she were watching the life bleed out of Will Herondale. “Jem would forgive me,” Will said, but there was hopelessness in his face, his voice, already. He had given up, Tessa thought. “He would,” she said, “He would never stay angry at you, Will; he loves you too well for that. I do not even think he would hold anger toward me. But this morning he told me he thought he would die without ever loving anyone as his father loved his mother, without ever being loved like that in return. Do you want me to go down the hallway and knock on his door and take that away from him? And would you love me still, if I did?”“Then…please, Tessa, don’t tell him what I just told you…”“I will tell no one,” she said. “I swear it…”

“[Jem] 'It will help you sleep.''All I’ve been doing is sleeping!' [Tessa]'And very amusing it is to watch, said Jem. 'Did you know you twitch your nose when you sleep, like a rabbit?''I do not,' she said, with a whispered laugh.'You do,' he said. 'Fortunately, I like rabbits.”