“You were never really drunk.""On the contrary - in order to learn how to pretend to be inebriated, one must become inebriated at least once, as a reference point. Six-Fingered Nigel had been at the mulled cider-""You can't mean there's truly a Six-Fingered Nigel?”

“You may be right. I think it was round about Christmas when I got my Welsh dragon tattoo.”At that, Tessa had to try very hard not to blush. “How did that happen?”Will made an airy gesture with his hand. “I was drunk…”“Nonsense. You were never really drunk.”“On the contrary—in order to learn how to pretend to be inebriated, once must become inebriated at least once, as a reference point. Six-Fingered Nigel had been at the mulled cider—“ “You can’t mean there’s truly a Six-Fingered Nigel?”

“Goodness," Tessa said to the back of his head. "If you keep seeing Six-Fingered Nigel like this, he'll expect you to declare your intentions.”

“Jem" I have an assignmation in Soho this evening with a certain attractive someone.Tessa: Goodness. If you keep seeing Six-Fingered Nigel like this, he'll expect you to declare your intentions.Jem choked on his tea.”

“A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said."Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel.""Easy mistake to make," Jem said.”

“Okay,” Cooper says agreeably. “But what if you and Nigel fall in love, and Nigel and I become BFFs, and then you guys get married, and Nigel wants me to be the best man, and you and I have to talk about the wedding plans?”“That would never happen, because since Nigel would be so in love with me, he would have dumped you as a BFF as soon as we got engaged and/or told you you were not allowed to be best man at our wedding, per my wishes.”“Yes, but—”“Wait a minute,” I say. “Did you just say ‘BFF’?”“Yes,” he says. He looks at me and shrugs. “I’ve been watching a lot of Disney Channel.”