“No guts, no glory. - Bert”

“Don't go confusing stupidity with guts." -Bert”

“One time, Bert and I were making out for so long it wasn't even funny..But then it was funny.”

“You're a very odd man," said Bert."I get that more often than you'd think," replied Charles.”

“And winning; that can be heavy on your back, too, like a monkey. You drop that load too when you find yourself an excuse."...And Bert seemed to relax, knowing he had scored, had pushed his way through Eddie’s consciousness and through his defenses, although Eddie still only partly understood all of what Bert had said, and was already prepared to rationalize the truth out of what he did understand. But Bert had suddenly quit pushing, and seemed now to be merely relaxing with his drink. "That’s your problem," he said.”

“In the history of show business, there probably never was a straighter straight man than banana-yellow Bert, the paper clip collector and pigeon fancier.”