“When someone's rattling on about blocked toilets, collapsing marquees, and penis-shaped birthday cakes, it's hard to convince yourself that you're in a life-or-death situation.”

“It's so much easier to convince yourself you're madly in love with someone when you know nothing about him.”

“Death smells like birthday cake.”

“Someone once told me that life wasn't fair...and they were right. But I don't think that life was ever meant to be fair or perfect. It's not the tragedy, it's how we deal with it. It's whether we come out stronger because of it. It's not about blocking out the pain or hiding from it, it's about letting the pain shape you into someone better than you were before.”

“Love yourself as yourself. Never work to be someone else. Its too hard to keep up. Life is easier when you love you just as you are.”

“Life's like a penis; When it's soft you can't beat it; When it's hard you get screwed. - The Fat Man, Medical Resident in The House of God”