“You can tell all that about me from your measuring tape?''Well, I use the metric system, It's the only way to get really exact numbers.”

“No really. What exactly did you do today, Jenny? Quantify it for me.""It's not quantifiable. There aren't even metrics for the shit I do.”

“Don't tell people you care about them when all you really care about is getting your own way.”

“Listen, nothing's better than being useful. Tell me how, at the present moment, I can be most of of use. I know it's not for you to decide that, but I'm only asking for your opinion. You tell me, and what you say I swear I'll do! Well, what is the great thought?""Well, to turn stones into bread. That's a great thought.""The greatest? Yes, really, you have suggested quite a new path. Tell me, is it the greatest?""It's very great, my dear boy, very great, but it's not the greatest. It's great but secondary, and only great at the present time. Man will be satisfied and forget; he will say: 'I've eaten it and what am I to do now?' The question will remain open for all time.”

“Relationships can't be measured with a clock or a calendar, Never. It's about getting each other. You get me, and I get you. That's the only thing I give a shit about.”

“This isn't your average book, it's pure gold: Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches. Explains everything you need to know about girls. IF only I'd had this last year I'd have known exactly how to get rid of Lavender and I would've known how to get going with... Well Fred and George gave me a copy, and I've learned a lot. You'd be surprised, it's not all about wandwork, either.”