“FatherMichael: OK we should get on with this; I don’t want to be late formy 2 o’clock. First I have to ask, is there anyone in herewho thinks there is any reason why these two should notbe married?LonelyLady: Yes.SureOne: I could give more than one reason.Buttercup: Hell yes.SoOverHim: DON’T DO IT!FatherMichael: Well I’m afraid this has put me in a very tricky predicament.Divorced_1: Father we are in a divorced chat room, of course they allobject to marriage. Can we get on with it?”

“FatherMichael has entered the room Wildflower: Ah don’t tell me you’re through a divorce yourself Father? SureOne: Don’t be silly Wildflower, have a bit of respect! He’s here for the ceremony. Wildflower: I know that. I was just trying to lighten the atmosphere. FatherMichael: So have the loving couple arrived yet? SureOne: No but it’s customary for the bride to be late. FatherMichael: Well is the groom here? SingleSam has entered the room Wildflower: Here he is now. Hello there SingleSam. I think this is the first time ever that both the bride and groom will have to change their names. SingleSam: Hello all. Buttercup: Where’s the bride? LonelyLady: Probably fixing her makeup. Wildflower: Oh don’t be silly. No one can even see her. LonelyLady: SingleSam can see her. SureOne: She’s not doing her makeup; she’s supposed to keep the groom waiting. SingleSam: No she’s right here on the laptop beside me. She’s just having problems with her password logging in. SureOne: Doomed from the start.Divorced_1 has entered the roomWildflower: Wahoo! Here comes the bride, all dressed in . . . SingleSam: Black. Wildflower: How charming. Buttercup: She’s right to wear black. Divorced_1: What’s wrong with misery guts today? LonelyLady: She found a letter from Alex that was written 12 years ago proclaiming his love for her and she doesn’t know what to do. Divorced_1: Here’s a word of advice. Get over it, he’s married. Now let’s focus the attention on me for a change. SoOverHim has entered the room FatherMichael: OK let’s begin. We are gathered here online today to witness the marriage of SingleSam (soon to be “Sam”) and Divorced_1 (soon to be “Married_1”). SoOverHim: WHAT?? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? THIS IS A MARRIAGE CEREMONY IN A DIVORCED PEOPLE CHAT ROOM?? Wildflower: Uh-oh, looks like we got ourselves a gate crasher here. Excuse me can we see your wedding invite please? Divorced_1: Ha ha.SoOverHim: YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY? YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK, COMING IN HERE AND TRYING TO UPSET OTHERS WHO ARE GENUINELY TROUBLED. Buttercup: Oh we are genuinely troubled alright. And could you please STOP SHOUTING. LonelyLady: You see SoOverHim, this is where SingleSam and Divorced_1 met for the first time. SoOverHim: OH I HAVE SEEN IT ALL NOW! Buttercup: Sshh! SoOverHim: Sorry. Mind if I stick around? Divorced_1: Sure grab a pew; just don’t trip over my train. Wildflower: Ha ha. FatherMichael: OK we should get on with this; I don’t want to be late for my 2 o’clock. First I have to ask, is there anyone in here who thinks there is any reason why these two should not be married? LonelyLady: Yes. SureOne: I could give more than one reason.Buttercup: Hell yes. SoOverHim: DON’T DO IT! FatherMichael: Well I’m afraid this has put me in a very tricky predicament. Divorced_1: Father we are in a divorced chat room, of course they all object to marriage. Can we get on with it? FatherMichael: Certainly. Do you Sam take Penelope to be your lawful wedded wife? SingleSam: I do. FatherMichael: Do you Penelope take Sam to be your lawful wedded husband? Divorced_1: I do (yeah, yeah my name is Penelope). FatherMichael: You have already e-mailed your vows to me so by the online power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. Now if the witnesses could click on the icon to the right of the screen they will find a form to type their names, addresses, and phone numbers. Once that’s filled in just e-mail it off to me. I’ll be off now. Congratulations again. FatherMichael has left the room Wildflower: Congrats Sam and Penelope! Divorced_1: Thanks girls for being here. SoOverHim: Freaks. SoOverHim has left the room”

“Twice we stood beside each other at the altar, Rosie. Twice. And twicewe got it wrong. I needed you to be there for my wedding day but I was toostupid to see that I needed you to be the reason for my wedding day. But wegot it all wrong.I should never have let your lips leave mine all those years ago in Boston.I should never have pulled away. I should never have panicked. I should neverhave wasted all those years without you. Give me a chance to make them upto you. I love you, Rosie, and I want to be with you and Katie and Josh.Always.Please think about it. Don’t waste your time on Greg, this is our opportunity.Let’s stop being afraid and take the chance. I promise I’ll make youhappy.”

“We have a long way to go tobeing the perfect couple, we certainly don’t live the fairy tale marriage, hedoesn’t shower me with rose petals and fly me to Paris on weekends butwhen I get my hair cut, he notices. When I dress up to go out at night, hecompliments me. When I cry, he wipes my tears. When I feel lonely, hemakes me feel loved. And who needs Paris, when you can get a hug?”

“To the most inconsiderate asshole of a friend,I’m writing you this letter because I know that if I say what I have to sayto your face I will probably punch you.I don’t know you anymore.I don’t see you anymore.All I get is a quick text or a rushed e-mail from you every few days. Iknow you are busy and I know you have Bethany, but hello? I’m supposed tobe your best friend.You have no idea what this summer has been like. Ever since we werekids we pushed away every single person that could possibly have been ourfriend. We blocked people until there was only me and you. You probablyhaven’t noticed, because you have never been in the position I am in now.You have always had someone. You always had me. I always had you. Nowyou have Bethany and I have no one.Now I feel like those other people that used to try to become our friend,that tried to push their way into our circle but were met by turned backs. Iknow you’re probably not doing it deliberately just as we never did it deliberately.It’s not that we didn’t want anyone else, it’s just that we didn’t needthem. Sadly now it looks like you don’t need me anymore.Anyway I’m not moaning on about how much I hate her, I’m just tryingto tell you that I miss you. And that well . . . I’m lonely.Whenever you cancel nights out I end up staying home with Mum andDad watching TV. It’s so depressing. This was supposed to be our summerof fun. What happened? Can’t you be friends with two people at once?I know you have found someone who is extra special, and I know youboth have a special “bond,” or whatever, that you and I will never have. Butwe have another bond, we’re best friends. Or does the best friend bond disappearas soon as you meet somebody else? Maybe it does, maybe I justdon’t understand that because I haven’t met that “somebody special.” I’mnot in any hurry to, either. I liked things the way they were.So maybe Bethany is now your best friend and I have been relegated tojust being your “friend.” At least be that to me, Alex. In a few years time ifmy name ever comes up you will probably say, “Rosie, now there’s a name Ihaven’t heard in years. We used to be best friends. I wonder what she’s doingnow; I haven’t seen or thought of her in years!” You will sound like my mumand dad when they have dinner parties with friends and talk about old times.They always mention people I’ve never even heard of when they’re talkingabout some of the most important days of their lives. Yet where are thosepeople now? How could someone who was your bridesmaid 20 years ago noteven be someone who you are on talking terms with now? Or in Dad’s case,how could he not know where his own best friend from college lives? Hestudied with the man for five years!Anyway, my point is (I know, I know, there is one), I don’t want to beone of those easily forgotten people, so important at the time, so special, soinfluential, and so treasured, yet years later just a vague face and a distantmemory. I want us to be best friends forever, Alex.I’m happy you’re happy, really I am, but I feel like I’ve been left behind.Maybe our time has come and gone. Maybe your time is now meant to bespent with Bethany. And if that’s the case I won’t bother sending you this letter.And if I’m not sending this letter then what am I doing still writing it?OK I’m going now and I’m ripping these muddled thoughts up.Your friend,Rosie”

“I generally don’t become overexcited about things anyway, I’m just not one of those people. I’m not easily surprised by things either. I think it’s because I expect that anything can happen”

“Somewhere along the way, without me even noticing, I grew up Alex. Foronce, I couldn’t take advice from anyone around me about what I should orshouldn’t do. I couldn’t go running to mum and dad and I can’t compare mymarriage to anybody else’s, we all follow our own rules.”