“Katie is like my calendar, watching her growand change. She is growing up so fast, learning to have opinions of her own,learning that I don’t have the answers to everything. And the moment a childbegins to understand that, you know you’re in trouble.”

“Things change so quickly. Just when you get used to something, zap! Itchanges. Just when you begin to understand someone, zap! They grow up. Thesame is happening with Katie. She changes every day; her face just becomes somuch more grown-up every time I look at her. Sometimes I have to stop pretendingI’m interested in what she’s saying in order to realize that I actually aminterested. We go shopping for clothes together and I take her advice, we eatout for lunch and giggle over silly things. I just can’t cast my mind back to thetime when my child stopped being a child and became a person.”

“I know that. I just don’t feel it sometimes. Over there I felt like Ihadn’t a care in the world. Things felt so good and it was almost asif every muscle in my body relaxed the moment I landed there. Ihaven’t laughed so much in years. I felt like a 23-year-old, Steph. Ihaven’t felt like that much lately. I know this probably sounds weirdbut I felt like the me that I could have been.I liked that I didn’t have to look out for somebody else while Iwalked down the street. I didn’t have the fifty near heart attacks perday that I usually get when Katie goes missing or puts something inher mouth that she shouldn’t. I didn’t have to dive onto the roadand hold her back just in time from being hit by a car. I liked that Ididn’t have to give out, correct people on their pronunciation ormake threats. I liked laughing at a joke without my sleeve beingtugged at and being asked to explain. I liked having adult conversationswithout being interrupted to cheer and applaud a silly danceor the learning of a new word. I liked that I was just me, Rosie, notmummy, thinking just about me, talking about things I liked, goingplaces I liked to go without having to worry about nappy changes,bottle feeding or sleepy-head tantrums. Isn’t that awful?”

“Elizabeth’s hands flew to her mouth; tears filled her eyes with happinessas she realized he was fulfilling yet another of her and her mother’s intended activities.“Why are you fulfilling all of my mother’s dreams?” she asked, studyinghis face and searching for answers.“So you don’t run away like she did in search of them,” he replied, takingher hand. “Come on, join in!” he said, leaping around.”

“She had loved before, had been loved, had tasted what it was to dream, and had felt what it was to dance on air. She had also learned what it was to cruelly land back on the earth with a thud. Having to take care of her sister’s child had sent her love away and there had been no one since. She had learned not to lose control of her feelings again.”

“You know, it’s interesting. Children learnmuch more, far more quickly than adults. Do you know why that is?”Elizabeth assumed there was some scientific explanation for it, butshook her head.“Because they’re open-minded. Because they want to know and theywant to learn. Adults”—he shook his head sadly—“think they know it all.They grow up and forget so easily instead of opening their minds, they choosewhat to believe and what not to believe. You can’t make a choice on things likethat, you either believe or you don’t. That’s why their learning is slower. Theyare more cynical, they lose faith, and they only demand to know things thatwill help them get by day by day. They’ve no interest in the extras. But, Elizabeth,”he said, his voice a loud whisper, eyes wide and sparkling, and Elizabethshivered as goose pimples rose on her arms. She felt as if he were sharingthe world’s greatest secret with her.“It’s the extras that make life.”“That make life what?” she whispered.He smiled. “That make life.”Elizabeth swallowed the lump in her throat. “That’s it?”Ivan smiled. “What do you mean, that’s it? How much more can youget than life, how much more can you ask for than life? That’s the gift. Lifeis everything, and you haven’t lived it properly until you believe.”

“...children learn much more, far more quickly than adults. Do you know why that is? Because they're open-minded. Because they want to know and they want to learn. Adults, think they know it all. They grow up and forget so easily and instead of opening their minds and developing it they choose what to believe and what not to believe. You can't make a choice on things like that: you either believe or you don't. That's why their learning is slower. They are more cynical, they lose faith and they demend to know things that will help them get by day by day. They've no interest in the extras...It's the extras that make life.”