“She likened it to a childhood crush, such strong almost obsessive feelings, but more, it had depth. She felt attracted to everything about him, the way he talked, the way he dressed, the words he used, his apparent innocence. Yet he was filled with a deep knowledge of wise insights. He always said the right things, even whe she didn’t want to hear them. The darkness lifted and she could suddenly see beyond. When he breezed into the room, he brought clarity and brightness with him. He was walking hope and she could tell that things for her be… not fantastic or wonderful or happily ever after, but that they could be okay. And that was enough.”

“Holly smiled weakly. Gerry would know exactly how she was feeling, he would know exactlywhat to say and he would know exactly what to do. He would give her one of his famous hugsand all her problems would melt away. She grabbed a pillow from her bed and hugged it tight.She couldn't remember the last time she hugged someone, really hugged someone. And thedepressing thing was that she couldn't imagine ever embracing anyone the same way again.”

“Elizabeth’s hands flew to her mouth; tears filled her eyes with happinessas she realized he was fulfilling yet another of her and her mother’s intended activities.“Why are you fulfilling all of my mother’s dreams?” she asked, studyinghis face and searching for answers.“So you don’t run away like she did in search of them,” he replied, takingher hand. “Come on, join in!” he said, leaping around.”

“She didn't feel thirty. But then again again, what was being thirty supposed to feel like? When she was younger, thirty seemed so far away, she thought that a woman of that age would be so wise and knowledgeable, so settled in her life with a husband and children and a career. She had none of those things. She still felt as clueless as she had felt when she was twenty, only with a few more gray hairs and crow's feet around her eyes.”

“Most of all she loved that when she hugged him her head would rest neatly just below his chin, where she could feel his breath lightly blowing her hair and tickling her head.”

“She wanted to be irresponsible, she wanted to be looked after, to be told that she didn't have to worry about a thing and that someone else would take care of everything. How easy life would be without having grown-up problems to worry about. And then she could grow up all over again...”

“I wonder if my watching him from the armchair is what it's like to be God, if there is a God. He sits back and sees the big picture, just as I could see that if the bluebottle just moved up a few inches, he'd be free. He wasn't really trapped at all, he was just looking in the wrong place. I wondered if God could see a way out for me and Mum. If I can see the open window for the bluebottle, maybe God can see the tomorrows for me and Mum. That idea brings me comfort. Well, it did, until I left the room and returned a few hours later to see a dead bluebottle on the windowsill. Then to show you where my mind is right now, I started crying...Then I got mad at God because in my head the death of that bluebottle meant Mum and I might never find our way out of this mess. What good is it being so far back you can see everything and yet not do anything to help?Then I realized this: I had tried to help the bluebottle, but it wouldn't let me. And then I felt sorry for God because i understood how it must be frustrating for him. He offers people a helping hand, but it often gets pushed away. People always want to help themselves first.”