“She'll get all wooed by some smart, rich, dumbface, handsome, millionaire guy who doesn't care about money but has a lot of it. He'll probably have a private plane that goes to his private island that probably has dolphins. This means that Jen, on top of being happy and smart and pretty and sweet, will most likely get to name and play with...pet dolphins. You can't compete with dolphins.”

“I was thinking about a lot of things at that moment, really, and I mean a lot of things. Like the way squirrels in my front yard won't play with me. But more serious stuff too.”

“The heart can't lead anything. It has to stay inside your chest and pump blood to your body, mostly because it's just an organ in your body. In other words, if your heart is leading you, it's outside your body, and you're most likely dead.Also, that thing has absolutely no navigational skills, no GPS, and no wilderness mapping training. The heart also has no mouth (almost positive) - so it can't say anything for you to listen to. So what these kinds of sayings really mean is "trust your pulmonary system," and that's really dumb advice for relationships.”

“To anyone reading this who has ever felt disheartened and confused, hurt or lost...you are not alone. You are surrounded by countless multitudes of people everywhere who are just like you. Just like us. But you don't have to stay confused or lost or in pain. We might forget this sometimes - or may not know it at all. But there is nothing in your life, no matter how difficult or painful, that cannot be turned into something very beautiful. So please, have lots of hope.”

“If I had never changed my mind about what I wanted in a relationship or about what I wanted out of a relationship, do you know who I'd be with? Probably not, but I do:SUSAN: former crush from the third grade.ATTRIBUTES: blonde hair, proficient at reading and writing, great at freeze tag, excellent at all recess and playground activities.RELATIONSHIP STRENGTHS: female, talked to me, shared her fruit snacks with me, didn't hate me.RELATIONSHIP PITFALLS: I like things other than recess now; the qualities I liked in third grade might not be enough for a healthy adult relationship...but having fruit snacks never hurts.”

“I've never really apologised to her for that specifically, mostly because I didn't know how to apologise for my brain not working.I can't see girls being cool with... "Hey, sorry about my brain not working right; that things is nuts sometimes. I know I might have confused you, but my brain confused me too. Anyhoo...just letting you know that was why! Hugs!"I mean, I'd be willing to try it once...but just for the story, really.”

“In my front yard, there are these two giant old trees, which help the porch vibe, obviously, with a forty-foot-tall canopy. It has a very Jurassic Parky vibe, but without dinosaurs. Also, most people on my street are friendly, and I don't live on an island.”