“It was shaping up to be one of a handful of days in my life that filled me with the kind of anticipation and excitement that makes your anus tingle ever so slightly.”

“We drive down the road in complete silence for a few miles listening to 50 Cent. As soon as he tells us that he's into having sex, he ain't into making love, Casey turns the volume down and begins telling me the following information: " I love you so much. We're going to have the best life together. I can't wait." Every word she says makes me feel a little more like faking a stroke and pretending to lose all memory of who I was, but it's not until she looks me in the eye and says in all seriousness, "You're my soul mate," that I realize I am not going to marry her.”

“Every word she says makes me feel a little more like faking a stroke and pretending to lose all memory of who I was.”

“When she left I realized my roommate, Dave, was awake the whole time and was witness to my entire interaction with Heather. He said something like, 'Good try, man. Just remember, if Christ wants something to happen it will, but it will happen in his time.' which was my first real taste of the born-again-flavored shit pie he was going to force-feed down my throat every day of our freshman year.”

“So what's your major? Have you figured it out yet?"Yeah, biology. I'm hoping to go to med school. How about you?"Elementary education."She could have told me she was majoring in shit-eating with a minor in injecting guys with AIDS blood while they slept, and I would have thought it was the greatest, most noble thing in the world.”

“Try to remember the moment when all the stupid innocent things you thought about life and love, all the things you thought mattered, all the things you though were true. . .try to remember when they all turned out to be lies. —Kyle”

“One night, Tim stumbled across a documentary called Manufacturing Consent. After viewing it, he found some writing online by its subject, Noam Chomsky, and as a result began to feel that there wasn't really a point to anything, that free will was an illusion, and that the things most people invested time and energy in were systems of control designed by those who sought to manipulate the general populace”