“I'm about as scientific as a saltine”

“I'm supposed to be a christian, but most days I don't feel like I can even presume to say that about myself any longer. I have a lot of mad left over. When I can't sleep, I think about the other people who didn't care how much pain and trouble they caused me. And I think about how good I'd feel if they died.”

“I'm a Waitress.”

“Everyone thinks I'm crazy, you know, because I can't tell them the truth; which is, that I'm driven crazy by all these thoughts, all these heads.”

“what are you?" he asked. "I'm a waitress.”

“[Eric:] "I'm hoping that the more you see me, the more I'll grow on you."[Sookie:] "Like a fungus?”

“One of the most wonderful, and the most appalling, things about Eric loving me was that he didn't give a shit about anyone else.”