“You won't find a vampire in a Ford Fiesta”

“The vampire is not a bad man, and he loves you”

“You just don't want a vampire pissed off at you.”

“You've reached Fantasia, where the undead live again every night," "For bar hours, press one. To make a party reservation, press two. To talk to alive person or a dead vampire, press three. Or, if you were intending to leave a humorous prank message on our answering machine, know this: we will find you.”

“It wasn't often you ran into bondage/Elvis/whorehouse-themed vampire club”

“You've reached Fangtasia, where the undead live again every night...For bar hours, press one. To make a party reservation, press two. To talk to a live person or a dead vampire, press three. Or, if you were intending to leave a humorous prank message on our answering machine, know this: we will find you." -Pam”

“It's not enough that we have to handle our own race's problems," Claude said. "Now we're sucked into the fucking vampire struggles, too.""No," I said, feeling I was walking uphill in this conversation. "You as a group weren't sucked into the vampire struggles. One of you was taken for a specific purpose. Different scenario.”