“of one hundred movies there's one that is fair, one that's good and ninety eight that are very bad. most movies start badly and steadily get worse”

“A movie is better than real life because in the movies only the bad guys die. Or you can pick the good movies where the bad guys die and only those. If you get tricked and a good person dies in the movie then you can rewrite it in your head so the good person lives and the part about death is superfluous.”

“In thinking about 'depressing movies,' many people don't realize that all bad movies are depressing, and no good movies are.”

“That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.”

“Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.”

“Lately, they were always reassuring each other that nothing was wrong; and probably it was true—life wasn’t supposed to be incredible, after all. Life wasn’t some incredible movie. Life was all the movies, ever, happening at once. There were good ones, bad ones, some went straight to video.”