“What? You’d dare drink right after getting out of jail for intoxication?”That’s when you need a drink the most.”

“Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.”

“You don’t need to drink to get over your feelings. Deal with your feelings that’s how you get over them,”

“Have a drink, and try to relax. All right, have another drink. There are times when getting drunk's not a bad idea.”

“Never drink diet soda. It shows you have no nerve. Only drink real colas, caffeine-packed energy drinks, or vitamin water. Hate champagne because that’s what everyone expects you to love. Energy drinks are the best party drinks. You never get tired, you never get a hangover, and you can make fun of all the loaded people who think they’re clever but are really acting stupid. ”

“The drink you like the best should be the drink you drink the most.”