“the United Metropolitan Improved Hot Muffin and Crumpet Baking and Punctual Delivery Company.”

“I'm sure it's not all hot buttered crumpets out there in the breathing world of asphalt and heartbeats.”

“I wished that my job was baking muffins in a muffin shop, where all I'd have to do was crack eggs and measure flour and make change, and nobody could abuse me, and where they'd even expect me to be fat. Every flab roll and cellulite crinkle would serve as testimony to the excellence of my baked goods”

“But three cheers for Alaska, they've got 24-hour hot fucking bear delivery. Note to self: Nuke Alaska.”

“Nothing goes so well with a hot fire and buttered crumpets as a wet day without and a good dose of comfortable horrors within. The heavier the lashing of the rain and the ghastlier the details, the better the flavour seems to be.”

“If we can't, as artists, improve on real life, we should put down our pencils and go bake bread.”