“All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed.For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog.”

“Hello? Oh, nothing... Just sort of hanging around... My brother? He's right here... He's reading... He's always reading... He has no life of his own, and he's a very boring person so he reads a lot... What's he reading? I don't know... She wants to know what you're reading...""How to survive living in the same family with an annoying sister.""Ivanhoe.”

“Once when Monty was in kindergarten, I had read to him and was trying to get him to go to sleep. He said he didn't want to close his eyes because "It's dark in there.”

“Today is my grandfather's birthday.""How old is he?""Sixty-three. It's hard to believe he was once a human being.”

“These are valentines for all the boys at school that I like... And this is a very special one for my sweet babboo.""Does your sweet babboo know who he is?""Oh, yes, he knows who he is...""I do not!”

“We used to have a dog named Snoopy, you know, a real live dog. I suppose people who love Snoopy won't like it, but we gave him away. He fought with other dogs, so we traded him in for a load of gravel.”

“My grandfather has been very depressed lately. He just doesn't know what to do. He says it's late in the game, and he's afraid that life has him beaten.""Tell him to take out the goalie.”