“I have a question. What if your advice doesn't help me? Do I get my money back?""No, because as soon as you pay me, I run right out and spend it. That's one of the first things they teach you in medical school!”

“I've come to you because I need professional help... I get depressed when I realize how other girls hate me, and yet I know it's only jealousy... It's plain jealousy! They only hate me because I have naturally curly hair... They're jealous of me... What should I do?""Don't kid yourself, sister... Five cents, please!”

“Do you have your own room, Charlie Brown?""Oh, yes... I have a very nice room.""I hope you realize that you won't always have your own room... Someday you'll get drafted or something, and you'll have to leave your room forever!""Why do you tell me things like that?""It's on a list I've made up for you... I call it, Things You Might As Well Know!”

“I had to go to the school nurse yesterday because my stomach hurt...""You worry too much, Charlie Brown... No wonder your stomach hurts... You've got to stop all this silly worrying!""How do I stop?""That's your worry! Five cents, please!”

“There is a thought among some brands of theology that souls are waiting up in heaven to be born. Now how in the world anybody comes up with that is beyond me, and how you can be so sure of that is also beyond me. I always like to go back to Snoopy's theological writings, which he called, "Has It Ever Occurred to You That You Might Be Wrong." And that's the way I feel. These things fascinate me, and I like to talk about them with other people, and hear what they think. But I'm always a little bit leery of people who are sure that they're right about things that nobody's ever been able to prove, and never will be able to prove.”

“Nobody likes me!""I wish I could like you, Charlie Brown, but I can't... If I were to like you, it would be admitting that I was lowering my standards! You wouldn't want me to do that, would you? Be reasonable! I have standards that I have set up for liking people, and you just don't meet those standards! It wouldn't be reasonable for me to like you!""I hate myself for being so unreasonable!”

“Linus: What's wrong, Charlie Brown? Charlie Brown: I just got terrible news. The teacher says we're going on a field trip to an art museum; and I have to get an A on my report or I'll fail the whole course. Why do we have to have all this pressure about grades, Linus? Linus: Well, I think that the purpose of going to school is to get good grades so then you can go on to high school; and the purpose is to study hard so you can get good grades so you can go to college; and the purpose of going to college is so you can get good grades so you can go on to graduate school; and the purpose of that is to work hard and get good grades so we can get a job and be successful so that we can get married and have kids so we can send them to grammar school to get good grades so they can go to high school to get good grades so they can go to college and work hard... Charlie Brown: Good grief!”