“I wonder if there's such a thing as a spiritual dentist? I think my whole personality is full of cavities!”

“I don't believe in school prayer. I think it's total nonsense...who is the teacher there that is going to have them pray? And is the teacher going to be Catholic or Mormon or Episcopalian or what? It just causes all sorts of problems. And what are the kids praying about anyway? Does it really matter, does praying in school...what are you doing it for? The whole thing just opens up all sorts of elements of discussion. I think it's crazy.”

“You know what I think my best quality is? I think I'm nice to have around. I'd hate it if I weren't around!”

“I think I know what's wrong with you... Walk up onto that pitcher's mound... Does your stomach hurt now?""Yes! Ow! Ooo! Yes!""All right, now come down off the mound... There... Has it stopped hurting?""Yes... Yes, I think it has!""There's your trouble... Five cents, please!”

“I don't know the meaning of life. I don't know why we are here. I think life is full of anxieties and fears and tears. It has a lot of grief in it, and it can be very grim. And I do not want to be the one who tries to tell somebody else what life is all about. To me it's a complete mystery.”

“I think I'll go over and introduce myself to that little red-haired girl. I think I'll introduce myself, and then ask her to come over and sit next to me. I think I'll ask her to sit next to me here, and then I think I'll tell her how much I've always admired her... I think I'll flap my arms, and fly to the moon.”

“Sometimes I lie awake at night thinking about all the dumb things I do every day... If I live to be eighty and I do ten dumb things each day... That would be about two hundred and ninety thousand dumb things... When you add up all the dumb things you do, it's best to use round figures...”