“The early bird gets the worm but the late bird doesn't even get the late worm.”

“My grandfather has been very depressed lately. He just doesn't know what to do. He says it's late in the game, and he's afraid that life has him beaten.""Tell him to take out the goalie.”

“EARLY BIRDOh, if you’re a bird, be an early birdAnd catch the worm for your breakfast plate.If you’re a bird, be an early early bird--But if you’re a worm, sleep late.”

“I've been thinking... Maybe you're a mockingbird... Mockingbirds imitate the songs of other birds... No, I've never heard of any copyright problems.”

“The early worm gets eaten by the early bird.”

“Good afternoon... My name is Lucy... I'm going to be your right-fielder... Our special today is a misjudged fly-ball. We also have a nice bobbled ground ball and an exellent late throw to the infield... I'll be back in a moment to take your order.”

“I have a question. What if your advice doesn't help me? Do I get my money back?""No, because as soon as you pay me, I run right out and spend it. That's one of the first things they teach you in medical school!”