“You know what Oscar Wilde said, ma'am? He said, "nothing that is worth knowing can be taught". Nothing personal, ma'am... Carry on.”

“Hello? Oh, nothing... Just sort of hanging around... My brother? He's right here... He's reading... He's always reading... He has no life of his own, and he's a very boring person so he reads a lot... What's he reading? I don't know... She wants to know what you're reading...""How to survive living in the same family with an annoying sister.""Ivanhoe.”

“Snoopy: So this is the last day of the year. Another complete year gone by and what have I accomplished this year that I haven't accomplished every other year? Nothing! (He smiles.) How consistent can you get?”

“Each year, the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch that he thinks is the most sincere. He's gotta pick this one. He's got to. I don't see how a pumpkin patch can be more sincere than this one. You can look around and there's not a sign of hypocrisy. Nothing but sincerity as far as the eye can see.”

“Though her husband often went on business trips, she hated to be left alone."I've solved your problem," he said. "I've bought you a St. Bernard. Its name is Great Reluctance. Now, when I go away, you shall know that I am leaving you with Great Reluctance!"She hit him with a waffle iron.”

“Hello, Sally? Let me talk to Chuck, will you?""I think he's lost in the woods.""I know what you mean, but let me talk to him, will you?”

“I just don't know how to write a love letter. What can you say to a girl that shows you really like her?""How about, enclosed please find a cookie?”