“I admire wit, but I have no real liking for it. It has been too often employed against me.”

“Consider me no fool because my tongue is mad. I salt a truth with jest that it sound not dull and heavy. There is more than jig and cadence in my words. I am of stronger fiber than you think. If there comes a time for proof I shall not fail.”

“If I have the means, I have the responsibility to employ them.”

“I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.”

“In all the works on pedagogy that ever I read — and they have been many, big, and heavy — I don't remember that any one has advocated a system of teaching by practical jokes, mostly cruel. That, however, describes the method of our great teacher, Experience.”

“When the fallow ground is thoroughly broken up in the hearts of Christians, when they have confessed and made restitution, as I have taught in my former articles--if the work be thorough and honest--they will naturally and inevitably fulfill the conditions, and will prevail in prayer. But it cannot be too distinctly understood that none others will. What we commonly hear in prayer and conference meetings is not prevailing prayer. It is often astonishing and lamentable to witness the delusions that prevail upon the subject. Who that has witnessed real revivals of religion has not been struck with the change that comes over the whole spirit and manner of the prayers of really revived Christians? I do not think I ever could have been converted if I had not discovered the solution of the question: "Why is it that so much that is called prayer is not answered?”

“I like women who haven’t lived with too many men.I don’t expect virginity but I simply prefer womenwho haven’t been rubbed raw by experience.There is a quality about women who choosemen sparingly;it appears in their walkin their eyesin their laughter and in theirgentle hearts.Women who have had too many menseem to choose the next oneout of revenge rather than withfeeling.When you play the field selfishly everythingworks against you:one can’t insist on love ordemand affection.You’re finally left with whateveryou have been willing to givewhich often is:nothing.”