“Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it I wash my mouth out with chocolate.”

“The rain washed away my pitcher's mound... I'm a pitcher without a mound... I'm a lost soul... I'm like a politician out of office.""Or a sailor without an ocean...""Or a boy without a girl...”

“I'm dying and all I hear are insults!”

“Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.”

“I come from a long line of generations!”

“Every night it's the same... I have supper in my red dish and drinking water in my yellow dish... Tonight I think I'll have my supper in the yellow dish and my drinking water in the red dish. Life is too short not to live it up a little!”

“I fall in love with any girl who smells of library paste.”