“I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

“Weeping is not the same thing as crying. It takes your whole body to weep, and when it's over, you feel like you don't have any bones left to hold you up.”

“Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride/You will not die, its not poison-Tombstone Blues”

“You just kissed me! Why isn't your face melting off?”

“Look at Charlie Brown's face. Would you please hold still a minute Charlie Brown? I want Linus to study your face. Now this is what you call a failure face, Linus. Notice how it has failure written all over it. Study it carefully Linus. You rarely see such a good example. Notice the deep lines, the dull vacant look in the eyes. Yes, I would say this is one of the finest examples of a failure face that your liable to see for a long while.”

“You’re exactly like Charlie. Once you make up your mind, there is no reasoning with you. Of course, exactly like Charlie, you stick by your decisions, too.”