“I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t perfect and bitchin’ and just winning every second, I’m not perfect, and bitching and just delivering the goods at every fucking turn. Because look what I’m dealing with, man — I’m dealing with fools and trolls. I’m dealing with soft targets.”
“I didn’t want to fuck either of those girls because I’m in love with your fucking sister! Are you happy now, bitch! I’m fucking whipped… just like these other pussies.”
“It’s because I’m so good-looking, isn’t it?”
“Okay, so I’m the dragon. Big deal. You still get to be the hero.”
“I need coffee to deal with this, and I’m not getting decaf.”
“So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.”