“Girl with a pie, I’ll call it. It’s almost like guy with an axe, if you squint hard enough.”

“Some of them are okay, but the popular girls like to pick on my sister, and almost all the guys are gross. I don't know why guys are like that. Do you?”

“Kevin slapped a box of hot dogs down on the rock. “What the hell was that?” “A kiss. It’s something guys like me do with girls we like. But don’t worry, someday you’ll find one drunk enough to let you try it.”

“When I was twenty-five, I went on exactly four dates with a much older guy whom I’ll call Peter Parker. I’m calling him Peter Parker because the actual guy’s name was also alliterative, and because, well, it’s my book and I’ll name a guy I dated after Spider-Man’s alter ego if I want to.”

“What you and I had was the most intense thing I’ve ever felt, but if it’s over for you, just kick me hard enough so I’ll remember the pain and stay out of your way.”

“I have a protective coating, like a tank. It’s called Love. And when I get you naked, I’ll want to make war to you.”