“My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.”

“Well, at least it was the brother and not the one you practically molested.”I slap Shawna’s arm. “I did not practically molest him!”“No, but you wanted to.”“I most certainly—”“Don’t even lie to me, you wench! I know you too well. He had that whole bad boy thing going on. I’m surprised you didn’t wrap your legs and your lips and everything else around him right then and there.”

“All my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my brothers. I had to fight my cousins and my uncles. A girl child ain't safe in a family of men. But I never thought I'd have to fight in my own house. She let out her breath. I loves Harpo, she say. God knows I do. But I'll kill him dead before I let him beat me.”

“You're nothing but a sick child molester, and if were up to me, I'd toss you into the seventh circle of hell and walk away smiling. Now get out of my way- or do I have to make you?”

“You have been so careful of me that I never had a child's heart. You have trained me so well that I never dreamed a child's dream. You have dealt so wisely with me, Father ,from my cradle to this hour, that I never had a child's belief or a child's fear.Mr. Gradgrind was quite moved by his success, and by this testimony to it. " My dear Louisa," said he, you abundantly repay my care. Kiss me, my dear girl.”

“I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22”