“God, you’re uptight. Did the aliens maybe forget to remove your anal probe?”

“The bathroom door opened and Griff emerged in a cloud of steam, the grand entrance of every B-movie alien I’d ever seen. Maybe this wasn’t Griff at all but some interstellar prankster setting me up. Forget about abductions, anal probes and secret alien cookbooks—the real fun was in poking at the Earthlings’ old heartaches.”

“You want me here. (Artemis)Yeah, like an alien rectal probe up my sphincter.' (Acheron)”

“Ambulances were cool. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it back, hoping it wouldn’t leave someone’s life hanging in the balance because the EMT couldn’t alien-probe his orifices.”

“Maybe still waters did run deep. Or God on your side was the ultimate soul balm.”

“I think astronaut's helmets need to have Viking horns affixed to the side, to let any aliens we might encounter know that we came to pillage and probe.”