“Human civilization was annihilated in three hours, before even one alien bothered to set foot on the ground.”

“Six hours later, when I returned, I was greeted at the door- and this before it was even opened -by the overpowering smell of vinegar. What were my neighbors thinking? That a douche-obsessed woman with a gigantic, three-foot vagina lived next door?”

“Faith is one foot on the ground, one foot in the air, and a queasy feeling in the stomach.”

“The persecutorial impulse - 'the urge to purify the world through the annihilation of some category of human beings as imagined agents of corruption and incarnations of evil' - seems to be hardwired into Western civilization.”

“I was suffocating even before we left the house, but no one bothered to ask me how I felt.”

“It was three o'clock in the morning – the wisest and most accursed hour of the clock. But sometimes it sets us free.”