“College is just a place where they let you pay them to tell you things you should be getting paid to learn on the job. TRUE.Don't take that teat, baby. That is a raw tittie. College is a red raw areola, and instead of milk it releases highly acidic French dressing. --"Ray's Place" 1/6/04”

“If you think about it even medium-hard, launching a scared little dog into space with no intention of getting it back is a seriously fucked thing to do.”

“YOU GONNA STAND THERE WITH YOUR BUTT ON THE BACK OF YOUR BODY OR ARE YOU GONNA GET IN ON THIS, BEEF?”

“Dude, you didn't fugue, you were just berserk. That's like comparing a lunatic to a pissed guy with goals.”

“The saddest thing is when the toilet from an abandoned space station falls back to earth, lands upside-down on a child who was playing alone in the backyard, and smooshes them into the shape of half a hard-boiled egg. ...And when they lift the toilet off of the child, two lips at the top of the bloody mound say, on their dying breath, "I love you, mommy.”

“The saddest thing is an old bag lady, freezing to death in the snow on Christmas Eve, and the last thing she sees is a family in a nice warm diner getting beheaded by the Taliban.”

“The saddest thing is a retarded man who is crying and promising a broken egg that it will still be a chicken some day.And that they'll play together in a field when it gets better.”